Looking back at 2011 and Goals for 2012

I can not believe the year is coming to an end. This year has been the most fulfilling year I have had in my entire life. Last year at this time I had lost 90lbs and was working out 6-8 hours a week I felt wonderful and like no one could stop me. I was getting to know who I was becoming in this new body and lifestyle. I had conquered zumba and aqua zumba things I was terrified to do but found out I love them and now I can't live without. Getting out of my comfort zone was becoming a bit easier. Little did I know at that time I would be out of my comfort zone for a long time after.
At this time last year I had no idea I was pregnant. I honestly didn't think it was possible after 10 years of marriage (7 trying to conceive). Alana was a twinkle in my eye and a prayer unanswered. This year has shown me there is hope and miracles. Prayers are answered! The rest of the year was about making my pregnancy as healthy as possible for both Alana and I. I wanted to work and work out until the end and eat as healthy as I possibly could. I did work until Alana's due date then I couldn't take it anymore I was in so much pain. I had been told to stop doing my exercise classes 1 month before she was born because of braxton hicks and I did slip into bad habits during the pregnancy but all in all I was very healthy.

I don't know what 2012 has in store for my family of 3 but I am looking forward to it. Here are some goals I have to look forward to.

1. Get back into eating more balanced meals daily. More fruits and veggies!!!!
2. Start working my way back up to at least 5 hours of working out a week.
3. Add in walks with Alana on the weekends (in the mall during winter outdoors during the summer)
4. Get my apartment more organized and safe for a growing little girl to crawl and someday walk in.
5. Spend more time with Chico....since Alana has been born I am sorry to say he has been a bit neglected. Sorry buddy.
6. Start having a date night with Adam our relationship balanced I think he may feel a bit neglected too. Sorry honey. Maybe 5 and 6 should be switched lol the dog isn't more important then my hubby. I'm just to tired right now to change.
7. Work on not getting so emotional and stressed about things I can not control.
8. My weight loss goal for this year is 75lbs. This will get me below 200 and into onederland!!!!

I am excited to see what the future holds. Here is to 2012!!

I have to go back to work!

Today I found out from Welfare....Yes, welfare that I have to work I can not be a stay at home Mom. They won't help us until we get on housing. I would give up my pride and everything to stay home with Alana. We do have to have a roof over our heads and a car to get to work and put food on the table. I just feel like I am cheating her and myself from a great relationship. I don't feel like I am going to have the quality and quantity of time I should with her. So does that mean I should give up the gym after work to be with her an extra hour?? I don't think so I need my Mommy time right? It is not being selfish right? I need a way to relieve this stress and just be me right? I believe it will make me a better Mom.
I guess one day I will learn to be ok with this but I don't know how long that will take.

Alana is 3 months old!!!

Alana is 3 months old today! I can not believe it time has just flown by. Over the past few months I feel like I have gotten better at figuring out what she wants and needs. Everyday is something new for both of us. Our days are full of diaper changes and feedings and oh don't forget lots of playtime.
She loves her play mat and the mirror on the octopus is a hit she talks to herself like crazy. It is the cutest thing!

She also has tummy time. In the beginning she really didn't like it much but she seems to be enjoying it more.

She also loves the colored rings and wrist/ankle rattles.

Today we went to the Dr office and she has a cold and a rash on the back of her neck but she is still smiling.

              Month 1                      Month 2                 Month 3

Weight     7lbs 8oz                      8lbs 7oz                  10lbs 14oz

height      20 3/4in                       22in                       23 3/4in


I am loving every minute watching her learn and grow. I am excited to see what our future holds.

Mindful Eating

So now that Christmas is over so are my cookie and ice cream binges!! During my pregnancy I took pleasure in eating the goodies I usually didn't let myself eat. At least without guilt anyway. I could blame the pounds on the pregnancy and everyone let me. So now that Alana is here and my body is getting back to normal my eating habits have to do the same. So after speaking to a friend I am choosing to slow down and enjoy mindful eating. I am going to try and reset my eating habits and thinking. I have a whole lifetime of bad eating habits. So what is mindful eating well I have been reading up on it a lot trying to fit it in to my life. Here are a few things I have learned about it.....

Mindful Eating is Eating with Intention and Attention

Eating is a natural, healthy, and pleasurable activity when it's done to satisfy hunger. The bottom line is that weight management is not just about what you eat. How you eat matters just as much.

Choosing to eat "mindfully," in other words, giving food and eating your full attention, will allow you to have optimal satisfaction and enjoyment without eating to excess.

Mindful eating makes it possible for you to experience the difference between physical satisfaction and fullness. Mindful eating also allows you to feel more satisfied with smaller quantities of food. Learning to savor your food simply makes eating more pleasurable. Knowing what satisfies you and getting the most pleasure from your eating experiences are key factors for a lifetime of weight control.

So for the next 3 weeks I am taking 3 days and really sitting down away from the TV and any other distraction so I can enjoy what I am putting into my body. It won't be about calories in or out. It will just be a time to start a new more aware way of eating. I hope to learn that I can be satisfied with moderation and not deprivation. I have a beautiful daughter that looks up to me now and I have to start showing her good eating habits and exercise habits. I have so much work to do on myself hopefully by the time she is old enough to understand I will be in a better relationship with food and my body image. I usually don't do New Years Resolutions because I don't keep them so this is not a resolution this is a new chapter.
Here was my start in April of 2010

Chico and I would go walking 3+ days a week.

Alana's 1st Christmas

The morning started off bright and early. I woke up at 5am before Alana which is very unusual she usually wakes me up to eat by now. She slept five hours straight!!! Yeah!!!! We went to my sisters apartment to watch her children open their presents. Alana watched them rip through the pile of gifts and I held some wrapping paper to her hands so she could touch. She seemed to enjoy it for a minute and then she was done. LOL short attention span but that is ok there was a lot going on around her. I think she will be ready to do some ripping next year I'm sure. After about 45 min. she started getting cranky so I fed her and then Mimi (my Grandmother) took her and she fell asleep. After the presents were open and the kids started playing with their new toys the adults enjoyed coffee, muffins and donuts. It turned out to be a great Christmas morning!

Becoming a stay at home Mommy

After lots of prayer I have decided to be a stay at home Mommy. I know it's crazy right! I honestly never thought I would say those words but my priorities have changed. I honestly do not believe that anyone can take care of her the way I can can. Alana and I are bonded together now and I want her to know that I am always here for her.We have had such a rough time the past 3 months with the c-section and Adam losing his job and me not being able to exclusively breastfeed her. I have loved every minute I have had with her but I want have more time with her. If I were to go back to work I would leave at 6:45 and be home around 3:30 feed her and play with her and then go to the gym. I need mommy time too right? By the time I got home from the gym it would be time to start dinner for Adam and I and get Alana ready for bed. That is no time with her compared to what I have had over the past 3 months. I feel weird and worry if I am not with her for an hour or two let alone 8+.  How do I plan on doing this you ask. I am getting help from the state. I know I know here comes the judgement but at this point I just don't care. I am not going on welfare forever. I do plan on going back to work I love working. I just want to give my daughter the best start I can in this world and if I have to sacrifice having cable and cell phones extra and toys then so be it. I believe that the only thing that matters to a baby is being with Mommy and Daddy and knowing they are always there for you.

I know there are women out there who do work and I am not trying to judge you at all be proud that you have the support to do so.

Formula Recall

I had a freak out today after I spoke to my Dad on the phone. He had seen on the news that there was a recall on the Enfamil Newborn formula and asked me if that is what Alana was on. Yes, it is what I have been giving her because that is what WIC covers. I asked Adam since he was already on the computer to look up the recall and get more information. It told me the lot number to find on the can and to my horror it matched. I have been giving my baby girl something that could kill her. Dramatic yes maybe but a 10 day old baby has already died and Alana had a 100 degree temp last night it would cross your mind too. So I called the Wic office in my area and they gave me the number for the state office and I spoke to a nutritionist who told me that the FDA had not done an official recall but stores were pulling the formula just to be safe. She also told me that I could take my formula back to the store and get the Premium Infant (the next stage up). So that is what we did Adam,Alana and I packed all 6 containers and exchanged them.
I also called the Dr office because of the temp and the recall to see if they wanted me to bring her in but they don't yet they told me what to watch for and just be aware.
After everything I have gone through trying to breastfeed her and now this. These were things I wanted to keep her away from and give her my breast milk to give her the antibodies to keep her well. Lets hope that with the breastfeeding that I can give her it helped anything that could have harmed her in the formula.
I keep repeating to myself I am not a failure as a mother this isn't perfect but it is OUR perfection a mixture of both. I told someone this week she has the best of both worlds she gets comforted and nursed to sleep so we still have that bond but I have the security in knowing that she is getting enough to eat and help her grow.

Back to the gym!

I am finally getting to go back to the gym thank God! I need this time to myself to recoup and just be Jen. Not Mom not wife just me. I get in this zone where nothing else matters I just want to do the best I can and feel strong. I have done 2 zumba classes and I love it because it gets me out of my comfort zone. I don't like dancing or doing much in front of anyone but I can here in this room. It is so much fun. Yes, I think about the jiggling and I might slow down a bit then I think wait why should I slow down. I am here to have fun. Who cares what others think! Then I did bodystep and I love this class because it is fun and fast. It gives me something to strive to be better at and faster. I did crunches and sit ups for the first time post baby. It felt so good to be doing crunches finally! I can lay on my back and not worry about the baby. I am becoming me again. Yes different probably better then before. I am feeling strong and ready to take on the gym! Next week I will be doing bodystep, bodypump and bodycombat. I can't wait I am trying to start off slow I want to jump in and do everything all at once and be back to my 5-6days a week but I know my body isn't ready for that yet and I have Alana to take care of afterwards so I need to pace myself. I will lose this weight this is my journey and how long it will take I don't know. Stats coming soon. Prepregnancy and now. I am scared to find out but I know it needs to be done.
Food right now is for another blog. I have issues with food. This blog is where I am going to be honest it may hurt to write but I will never heal and change if I don't. So those of you who read sorry if it is to much information.

Last night Alana gave me such a hard time going to bed. Nothing worked to sooth her. I bathed her, read her a story and sang to her while she drank from her bottle. Every time I layed her down she cried I knew she was tired because she was rubbing her eyes. I walked around the apartment with her a hundred times rubbing/patting her back. Nothing, I gave her some gas drops and still nothing no toots to ease her. So I just kept walking with her and finally she fell asleep. I am learning every night is different with her. Some nights she will sleep and some nights it is so much harder but I guess that is just like we all are. We all go through phases. Either way she is doing great and keeping me on my toes.

My first 11 weeks as a new Mommy.

The past 11 weeks have been a blur of changing dirty diapers, breastfeeding problems and lack of sleep. Don't get me wrong I am loving every minute of it! Alana was born on Sept. 29,2011 via emergency c-section after 37 hours of labor.  I never thought I would be here saying that I had a c-section I worked up until her due date and worked out at the gym 3 days a week.  I felt strong and ready to go! I wanted to meet my baby girl.

Getting to know this beautiful little girl has been such a blessing! I honestly didn't think I would take to being a Mommy so well but it was just natural. I started breastfeeding her and thought we were on to a great start. Breastfeeding is not as easy as I thought. She latched well from the beginning but I was not producing enough milk. I didn't know this until she wasn't gaining the weight the Dr. wanted. She was a great baby ate every 2 hours and wasn't fussy at all. She did sleep a lot but all newborns do. So at her 2 week check up she weighed 8lbs 7oz so we were told to supplement formula. I was heartbroken I wanted to exclusively breastfeed that is what I thought was best for her not formula! I tried everything double pumping after every feeding, eating oatmeal every morning, and drinking mothers milk tea, I refuse to drink beer. So I had to give in I didn't want to make Alana unhealthy. In the end all I want is the best for her.  Since she has been on the formula she has been gaining weight and seems much happier and strong. She is kicking and playing and sleeping much better. She had her longest stretch last night almost 6 hours!!!! I am feeling better too, I am sleeping better and not drinking 200 oz of water a day mom thought I was going to drowned LOL. Before she started the formula there was a point where she was feeding every hour and that was exhausting to say the least. Now she is eating every 3 hours during the day and 4-6 at night. During the day she is happy and loves to play on her activity mat and have tummy time. She is getting so much stronger by the day and she has a nickname of bubbles because she has been blowing bubbles since she was about a month old.