And then there were 3!: Confessions of a new Mom.

And then there were 3!: Confessions of a new Mom.: Alana will be 6 months on the 29th! I know it has gone by so fast right?!!! I am exhausted and so depressed at where I am at compared to whe...

Confessions of a new Mom.

Alana will be 6 months on the 29th! I know it has gone by so fast right?!!! I am exhausted and so depressed at where I am at compared to where I thought I would be, I thought I would have lost all of the baby weight plus more, I thought I would be back to working out 6+ hours a week like I was before. I thought I would be breastfeeding Alana and shedding the pounds I thought Adam would still be working the same job and not driving 40min. one way to work. My life has flipped upside down and I am not handling things very well.  I have gone back to old habits that I never thought I would! I am drinking Dt. Coke (Caffeine free of course) but with that brings the ice cream and cookies....When I go grocery shopping I am a champ. I will buy veggies and fruits and lean meats (93-97% lean) No sugary treats, whole wheat pasta, brown rice. Granted Adam gets his soda and crackers or chips but I honestly don't touch those. I have the best intentions but no follow through. During the week for breakfast I eat a peanut butter sandwich on Ezekiel bread in the car on my way to work. At lunch I eat a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread with pesto turkey 1 slice of provolone lettuce tomatoes and cucumbers and a few chips like 5-6 because I have to eat it in 10 minutes. Then after work I stop to get a cup of iced coffee (decaf) and head home. I am so exhausted and miss Alana so I hang out with her and when Adam asks what I want for dinner I don't know. So most nights he is running to subway, or burger king/taco bell because we can not chose just one together, or pizza hut.  I honestly don't know how Mom's do it! How do you work full time and come home, work out and make dinner and take care of the baby and keep everything clean? I just haven't figured it out! I have been working out consistently after having Alana which is a huge plus! I am up to 4 days a week and on Saturdays I throw in a 30 min. sculpting class to help with the weights. Now I have an injured knee and I am feeling the doubts coming in. This is a time where I can give in and just let go free myself from trying so hard and just live however I want to. Yes I will feel guilty constantly and hate how I look everyday but it would be much easier. Or I can let my knee heal and go back to working out and kick this stupid food and drink problem in the butt! Nothing in life comes easy right? Things that are great are worth the fight right? When I get to the size I want to be will I be happy? So many questions....

Just plain tired!

This week has been exhausting! Working full time and taking care of Alana when I am home with no support from the hubby is tough. I have been waking up at around 5:20am from Alana and have to be up by 6 anyway so I feed her and get her settled back down so I don't get back to sleep. Then when I get home  I spend sometime with my sweet baby until I go off to Jubilation for a zumba workout. By the time I get home it is time to give Alana her bath and get her to bed. I miss her so much!! Being a full time working Mom is just hard. My house is always a mess and it makes me irritable.  I just can't keep up but I guess that is the price I pay when I want to spend time with my sweet pea then washing dishes. Time to go to bed hopefully I don't wake up exhausted again.

Top Mommy Blog.

I was just accepted into the top Mommy blog site!!! I am so excited about this now you can come and vote for my blog.

Alana was dedicated into the church today.

I am so happy that my friends from college could come and see us today. Pastor Brad dedicated Alana into the church and it meant so much to me. God gave me Alana (she is the most precious gift) and now I am giving her back in a sense. I hope and pray that God teaches me how to be the Mommy he wants me to be for her. I want her to love God and praise His name. We all have our struggles but God brings us so much joy. All I want is the best for her. :)

Enough with the negative!!! All positive!

Over the past months I have been pretty discouraged with my weight and fitness.  It is time to stop moping and acknowledge what I am doing and realize I am doing a great job. I honestly thought after having Alana I would jump right back into working out and eating healthy automatically but it didn't work that ways so ok I'm moving on.
I have so many exciting things going on in my life right now and I am going to focus on that!

She is getting so big and fun!!! So from now on I am focusing on Alana and yes I am still going to be healthy but I am not going to worry about every pound on the scale. I have made a big change by canceling my gym membership and joining Jubilation. It is so much more fun. At the end of class all I want to do is stay and do another. I want Alana to grow up seeing me have fun and be happy not going because I have to it is fun!

This weekend I have felt better then ever. I am rocking my zumba classes and enjoying it enough that I downloaded the playlist and dance around the house with Alana and she loves it. I am noticing a difference in the way my body feels too. I feel tighter and more energetic. I have to give myself credit I am doing great 4 months after having a baby via c-section. My body is not the same I am not the same but I am going to be better then ever. These are the best days of my life and I am going to live them to the fullest and enjoy them. Screw the scale it is being put away for awhile!!!

A new zumba experience.

This week I went to Jubilation a small workout studio. It was such a breath of fresh air! I had so much fun! I am honestly considering switching my memberships. I want my workouts to be fun. Right now step and kick boxing are hard and I enjoy them but not like I enjoy the feeling and high I get off of zumba. So over the next month I am going to go to some more classes and try and make the best choice I can. I am looking forward to this new me. Not as rigid as I used to be about working out but more fun and energetic.
I think it is funny how the one class that I was so scared to do and self conscience in (about shaking all my jiggly parts) is the one I love the most and makes me feel free and alive!

Today's zumba class

Todays zumba class was kind of a bummer. :( Our instructor Nina if out of town and a new girl was there. I dropped Alana off in the nursery and headed up. I was running a few minutes late I need to learn to get out of the house earlier with Alana.Also I need a new bag I have to much to carry into the gym with a car seat. I have learned from taking a few classes from different people that everyone has their own zumba flavor and I just didn't like this one. :(  She was confusing and to fast for me. I was trying to keep up with her the whole time and it made the class disappointing for me. I don't feel like I got a good workout. So next week when Nina is gone I wont be going to zumba. Which maybe a blessing considering today I could barely move my legs.
I think I bit off more then I can chew by working all week and then working out both sat. and sun. my legs and arm are screaming!!! I guess I need the rest of the day to relax.

Blogging

Sometimes I wonder if there is a point in blogging....I only have one follower and I wonder if anyone really reads this. Do I care? As a human being yes I do care I want to know that people are interested in going on in my or my daughters life. On the other hand it doesn't really matter if someone reads this or not. It is healing to my soul to let my thoughts out there. It is like letting go and giving it to God. Also if anyone does read this hopefully it will let them know that there is someone else in the same place as them. No one wants to be left alone in this life.
I love reading other Mommy blogs with babies that are Alana's age because we learn from each other. At some point our babies will be doing the same things and going through the same sleep/eating patterns. I love knowing I am not alone. So I blog.
I really hope that my blog is entertaining and something that you enjoy reading. If there is anything I can do to make it more appealing and interesting let me know.

Back to work

This week I went back to work and left Alana with my Mom and Adam. It has been so hard leaving her every morning. I just want to stay home and play with her all day but as an adult I know I have other financial responsibilities to take care of. So off to work I go. My job is very physically demanding and I totally forgot that. My legs and arms have been screaming and then silly me goes to the gym on Thursday night. Ouch!!!!
Alana has been doing great AWAKE all day except 15-20minute naps here and there. Then when I get home she crashes. Who complains about a baby sleeping? LOL The Mom who doesn't get to see her all day but it is nice to get the cuddles at night.   She is starting to get a great schedule going though. Very early morning for me though so not much has been getting done around the house because I would like to sleep when she does.
Let's hope everything keeps going smoothly and I can keep this up. Being a working Mom is hard but I would not change having Alana for the world. Having a job on the other hand maybe in a year or two I can slow it down. We will see what demands come our way in the future. :)

I need Sleep!!!

After having Alana I swear I didn't sleep for the first 2 weeks. She had her days and nights mixed up and was feeding around the clock. Then she started getting more in a 2-3 hour feeding period and would start to sleep a bit more but there were a few weeks around weeks 6-8 that she was eating around the clock again. She would fall asleep and wake up an hour later and eat I felt like she was on me constantly eating. This was when we found out that I wasn't producing enough milk and I was doing everything to bring my supply up. In the end I had to put her on formula which help so much with sleep! She started to have 1 4-5 hour stretch and then 2 3 hour stretches after that. Now after I tried the cry it out 1 night she gives me such a hard time. Falling asleep now is not to bad most nights it is staying asleep that is hard. Last night was the worst. She fell asleep at 8pm and was up again at 8:30 then slept til 12:45am and ate 4oz and I tried to get her back to sleep she dozed off but would wake again after a few minutes. I lay in bed listening to her groan and moan to see if she would nod off but she didn't so I gave her another 2oz around 2am. She finally fell asleep but only for 2 hours. I tried to nurse her back to sleep this time and she did doze but again woke up I was falling asleep during all of this so I decided to just bring her to bed with me and nurse her to sleep.We finally fell asleep around 3 I guess I lost track of time. I just don't know this is exhausting to say the least and my hubby works at night so I am on my own. Being sick doesn't help either. Anyone else noticing this with their little ones?

What do we expect from our baby?

On Jan. 4th Alana rolled over for the first time. I was so happy and proud! I got so excited Alana laughed out loud at me too. I am always reading blogs about other babies and how or what they are doing. All I want is the best for Alana. I don't want her to fall behind her age group. To be ahead well then we would want to brag right? It's human nature my baby is better then yours, mine sleeps better. In the end does it really matter? We all want the best for our children. Should we push them into schedules that don't budge? Should we have them on a sleep routine at 3 months? Every child is different they grow at different rates and hit their milestones at different times. By trying to get them to do what we want in our time and our schedule are we bringing them up to feel like failures because they can't keep up?

I have been playing with Alana face to face, singing, doing tummy time and having her hold toys. I don't want her watching to much T.V. or just sitting or laying around with little play or stimulation. Am I over stimulating her?

Crying it Out

I never ever thought I would try crying it out with Alana but she cries when she is in my arms too so I don't know what to do. It breaks my heart either way. So tonight I am going to try it and see. I am listening to her cry as I am typing. I just went in and OMG I think I am going to cry too. It is so hard watching your baby cry and letting her do it. How can this be a good thing??? I am starting to cry now. I know she is clean and fed and not to hot or cold. She sounds so MAD!!!! I don't know if I can keep this up. I picked her up and she was so worked up she wont even stop so I put her back down she knows I'm here. Will she trust me later?? Will she hate me??? Sorry ladies I had to pick her up I couldn't stand it anymore. So I rocked her for about 3 minutes til she calmed down and put her back in the crib and she is hysterically crying again. I am going in, in 2 minute intervals. I can't do more then that right now. I am looking at the clock screaming in my head right now. WHY WHY?? I am at 50 minutes now.  After one hour and twenty five minutes Alana is finally out cold. Still sniffling but asleep. Oh there she goes again she cried for a minute and now she is quiet. I hear whimpers. She is asleep again. Thank God. I feel so bad..

Ringing in the New Year!

Jan.1 2012 started with a whisper of I love you and a kiss to my beautiful baby girl laying asleep in her crib. Adam was working so I went to bed. I woke up and played with Alana while Adam slept. We sang and we danced a bit. Around 11 I started dinner. I made turkey with rosemary,tyme, lemon and oranges. I also made stuffing mashed potatoes, and roasted yellow squash and zucchini. My parents came over and we enjoyed a wonderful dinner. It was so good. My Mom said the turkey was "perfection". Then for dessert we had the choice of red velvet cake or an apple cinnamon tart.

The day was a great day with family it is to bad my brother and sister couldn't make it. We missed them.